Doesn't it make you think about how 'new rules' actually spring to life in our homes?
In this instance mum made a 'new rule' on the run to appease her disappointment and the annoying behaviours she was dealing with. If we're honest with one another, it's the high stress moments that have the capacity to wreck our best intentions. In an emotionally charged state - as we desperately try to demonstrate leadership, or reassert our authority - the establishment of a 'new rule' is often accompanied by at least a little yelling, lecturing, preaching, martyrdom and complaining at our kids. In our heated state we quickly abandon any semblance of leadership by going head to head with our children as if we're in the boxing ring. In the quiet of this moment our well-developed adult logic tells us that this approach is completely useless.
Did you know that the listening capacity of our kids switches off at about 3.2 words in moments of high tension? We know that the window for them to hear, before they become parent deaf, is very small. There is no reaching them at this moment, the shutters have come down! What our kids absorb is what they already know, mum or dad nagging or over-reacting again. The rapid rise in our emotion always deflects from the heart of the problem, because it invites tactless, even damaging comments.
QUESTION - how many of us have made a 'new rule' for the kids in high stress moments?
ANSWER - Most of us.
QUESTION - so, why do we do it?
ANSWER - it's spawned by frustration and an awkward bid to take back control and look as though we are in command.
QUESTION - does the new rule then stand the test of time in your home?
ANSWER - no, because usually it's too strict to police, has no support from anyone and the kids actually enjoy getting around it because they feel thwarted! The hastily made 'new rule' never gives rise to any constructive changes to performance of our kids.
Isn't it odd that we know this, but can't seem to get it right in the moment when it really counts? Yes, great management skills are truly deceptive. There's so much more to it than knowing what to do. There's such a discerning divide between those who know the answers, compared to those who know the answers, but can't put the skills into place when under pressure. When under pressure, so many of us admit to falling headlong into the obvious parenting pitfalls.
Recipe Rescue: building rules that work
In this Recipe rescue let's outsmart and move well beyond the limited concept of making 'new rules' up on the spot and...
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