Chapter Four:
Plans to Overcome Typical Home Troublespots
Optimistic relationships count mostMore than anything else, a loving relationship is what enables cooperative behaviours to be stretched and reshaped. Healthy connections bubble to the surface as a smile, a wink, a silly face, a nudge, a dare, a joke, saying "I love you", the zombie walk, a thumbs up, a kind or reassuring comment. The benefits arising from a quality relationship are remarkable. They provide the scope for everyone to make mistakes without causing a catastrophe, to allow the word 'sorry" to be exchanged more freely and offer us a little more leverage to influence our children to change behaviours that are not working for them.
If you see your child's performance as awkward or impossible they also are likely to be very aware of the problem. They will know that their fleeting concentration, bossiness, over or under reactions bring negative comments and responses. They too will be able to identify the issues that regularly bring about the clashes at home:
- Getting out of bed on school mornings
- Getting ready for school on time
- Remembering homework
- Completing homework
- Getting homework back to school
- Keeping the bedroom tidy
- Remembering daily chores
- Too much time with the television, phone and computer
- Keeping to a bed-time
- Staying in bed at night
- Losing the school lunch box, school notices and belongings
- Being selfish
If you are really struggling with your child's willingness to be punctual it's wise to speak to teachers about the problem. Teachers are well aware that students who experience impulsivity, distractibility, and planning difficulties often experience trouble with the morning routine. Most teachers are able to make excellent contributions to help the mornings flow more smoothly at home. If, despite everyone's best efforts, your child persists in being late, the teacher may apply the three (or four or five) for one rule. That is, for every minute their student is late, they exercise the choice of inconveniencing them for two, three or four minutes during any part of the day. It may be at recess, at lunch, during a favourite lesson or after dismissal. Students bright enough to consistently think through disruptive and delaying tactics in the morning are bright enough to realise that getting to school on time is their best option.
Ideas to reshape after school moods
Controlling overloaded feelings at school is a tough act for many students; battling mood troubles, anxiety, impulsivity and/or learning issues. Trying to stay on task, to listen, follow instructions and deal with friendships, let alone wrestling with literacy or numeracy obstacles extracts enormous amounts of energy. Many are completely sapped by mid-afternoon. It is common for these children and young teens to hold it together until the moment they slide into the back seat of the family car. Then wham! Their frustration breaks loose, sometimes on a regular basis, with parents witnessing swearing, abuse, the kicking of car seats and the hurting and taunting of siblings.
Yet, there are ways to help them, and those in the fi ring line, to navigate around this ugly time. Begin by trialing just one new creative solution to replace one bad afternoon habit. Keep it simple. When you feel as though you're on top of that one, build the plan out and introduce another idea to circumvent another of your child's after school habits that's not working for them.
A starting point may be to arrange for a friend or relation to bring your child home from school several days a week. Car pools work beautifully because our children's behaviour is always better in the company of other adults and children. This doesn't mean they will be less frustrated when they walk in through the door once they reach home, so arrange to be "partially-unavailable" or elsewhere.
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